No Cow
Upgraded - Birthday Cake
TL:DR
In 2 Sentences
Among vegan bars, this one pairs a frosting-style coating and sprinkles with 20 grams of pea-and-rice protein at about 200 calories while staying dairy- and soy-free—an uncommon combo of dessert vibes and macro efficiency.
When to choose No Cow Upgraded - Birthday Cake
Best for dairy- and soy-free eaters who want a high‑protein snack after a workout or an afternoon hold‑you‑over, and who are comfortable with low‑sugar sweeteners and added fiber.
What's in the No Cow bar?
Meet No Cow’s Upgraded - Birthday Cake Protein Bar: a plant‑powered take on frosted cake, complete with a white coating and colorful sprinkles.
Its 20 grams of protein (near the top of the category) come from a blend of pea and brown rice proteins—the classic pair that balances amino acids while staying dairy‑ and soy‑free.
Carbs run higher than average at 27 grams, but most aren’t from table sugar; they come from soluble corn fiber and a bit of glycerin for softness, with erythritol, stevia, and monk fruit handling sweetness.
The coating leans on palm and palm‑kernel oils for that frosting snap, while almonds (and a touch of peanut) contribute some wholesome fats. Sugar stays low at 1 gram because the bar relies on non‑sugar sweeteners rather than fruit or syrups.
Flavor-wise, think vanilla‑frosting notes from natural flavors, plus sprinkles colored with natural pigments—birthday‑cake nostalgia built for a modern macro label.
- Protein
- 20 g
- Fat
- 6 g
- Carbohydrates
- 27 g
- Sugar
- 1 g
- Calories
- 200
Protein
2015HIGHProtein here is entirely plant‑based: a pea and brown rice blend that complements amino acids (pea brings lysine; rice contributes sulfur amino acids). That 20 grams lands near the top tier for bars and stays dairy‑ and soy‑free, though it does use refined protein isolates rather than whole pulses. If you avoid legumes, note the bar also includes peanuts.
Fat
69LOWThe 6 grams of fat come mainly from palm and palm‑kernel oils in the frosting‑like coating and sprinkles, with smaller contributions from almonds and peanuts. Palm oils are semi‑solid and help the coating set but are higher in saturated fat; the nuts add mostly unsaturated fats and a bit of vitamin E. Overall, fat is modest compared with many bars.
Carbs
2720HIGHMost of the 27 grams of carbs are ‘engineered’ rather than from whole grains: soluble corn fiber (a refined fiber from corn starch) supplies bulk, and glycerin (a plant‑derived humectant) keeps the bar soft. Erythritol provides sugar‑like sweetness with near‑zero calories, so very little of the carb count is simple sugar. Expect a steadier lift than a sugar hit, though people sensitive to added fibers or polyols may notice GI rumbling at higher intakes.
Sugar
14LOWOnly 1 gram of sugar because the sweetness comes from erythritol (a zero‑calorie sugar alcohol made by fermentation) plus tiny amounts of stevia and monk fruit extracts. That keeps blood sugar steadier than a sugar‑sweetened bar, but stacking several polyol‑sweetened foods in a day can bother sensitive stomachs. If you prefer sweetness from fruit or honey, note this bar chooses refined non‑sugar sweeteners instead.
Calories
200210MIDAt 200 calories, this is a lighter 20‑gram protein bar—about 80 calories from protein, ~54 from fat, and the rest from carbs and fiber. Because erythritol contributes almost no calories and soluble corn fiber is labeled at roughly 2 calories per gram, more of the energy is driven by protein than the total carb number suggests. It reads as a robust snack rather than a full meal replacement.
Vitamins & Minerals
There’s no vitamin fortification; micronutrients come from the base ingredients. The label lists around 15% daily iron, likely from the pea and brown rice proteins, while calcium and others are minimal. Think protein delivery first, not a multivitamin stand‑in.
Additives
To deliver ‘birthday cake’ with little sugar, the formula leans on refined helpers: soluble corn fiber for bulk, erythritol for sugar‑like sweetness, glycerin to keep it moist, sunflower lecithin to smooth the coating, and natural flavors/colors in the white coating and sprinkles. These are common in low‑sugar protein bars and are more processed than whole‑food ingredients. If you’re sensitive to sugar alcohols or added fibers, start with one bar and assess comfort.
Ingredient List
Brown rice grain
Yellow pea seeds
Corn starch
Corn or wheat starch
Oil palm fruit
Sunflower seeds
Fats and oils
Almond tree seeds
Stevia leaves
Monk fruit
What are people saying?
Sources
Range
“O-M-G these actually aren’t that bad. No chalky powdery finish like I was worried about. The flavor is great too. As far as protein bars go, I’d give these an 8/10 and will def keep in the rotation.”
“However, No Cow is by far my favorite brand.”
“I looove no cow bars. Birthday cake flavor is 👌👌”
Main Praise
Fans keep coming back for the macros: 20 grams of protein at a relatively light 200 calories is rare in plant-based bars, and it makes hitting a daily target feel doable without a full shake.
Several reviewers call out that it’s one of the few vegan options that doesn’t taste overtly chalky to them, especially in the coated or “dipped” flavors—Birthday Cake included. The soft, dense texture reads more like a protein brownie than a crunchy granola bar, which some people find satisfying and filling.
Diet-wise, the dairy- and soy-free template earns points for folks navigating allergies or preferences. And a number of testers mention that the fiber keeps them full for hours without a sugar crash, which is exactly the point of a low‑sugar, high‑protein bar.
Put simply: if you prioritize nutrition-first bars, this one feels like a reliable tool.
Main Criticism
Taste and texture are polarizing. A vocal slice of reviewers describe certain flavors as dry or sandy, with a noticeable stevia/sugar‑alcohol aftertaste that lingers longer than they’d like.
Others report batch-to-batch inconsistency—some bars arrive soft, others a little crumbly or thin. The low‑sugar approach relies on erythritol and high fiber, which can cause GI rumbling for sensitive stomachs, especially if you double up.
And while the coating helps the experience, it doesn’t magically transform the base into a bakery cake; if you’re expecting that, disappointment tends to follow.
The Middle Ground
So which is it—surprisingly good, or dry and artificial? The truth seems to live in the middle and depend on your expectations.
If you’re chasing a dessert bar, Reddit user reactions like “crime against humanity” will feel oddly appropriate. If you’re chasing macros, you’ll see why others rate it an 8/10 and keep it in rotation.
The dipped coating on Birthday Cake genuinely softens the perception of dryness compared with some uncoated flavors, but it won’t erase that telltale plant‑protein chew or the whisper of stevia. GI tolerance is highly individual: some folks (like the SELF-cited clients) do fine, while others report upset after two bars or when stacked with other sugar‑alcohol products—test your own response.
In short, this is a performance‑minded vegan bar wearing a party hat; enjoy the hat, but buy it for the performance.
What's the bottom line?
No Cow’s Upgraded - Birthday Cake Protein Bar is a rare plant‑based option that hits the big three for macro‑minded eaters: 20 grams of protein, about 200 calories, and minimal sugar. ” The trade‑offs are the usual suspects for low‑sugar, high‑fiber bars: a sweetener note some will notice, the possibility of dryness in certain batches or flavors, and GI sensitivity if erythritol or added fibers aren’t your friends. If you want a dairy‑ and soy‑free bar that prioritizes protein density over gourmet decadence, this is a strong pick—especially post‑workout or as a steady afternoon snack.
If you’re stevia‑averse or have a sensitive stomach, sample one bar before committing to a box. Think of it as a well‑trained athlete in a birthday outfit: the costume draws you in, but it’s the performance that earns the spot in your bag. Condensed listicle take: A frosted, sprinkle‑topped vegan bar with 20 grams of protein at ~200 calories.
Great macros and surprisingly filling, but taste and texture are polarizing and the low‑sugar sweeteners won’t agree with everyone. Best for dairy‑ and soy‑free eaters who value protein density and don’t mind a stevia/erythritol profile.